The Father's Day show was at Bolm yesturday and Michael had kegs and a grill with burgers and hotdogs.

Someone gave out hand-written directions, complete with bus routes, to a bunch of homeless guys downtown. So bus loads of them started showing up even before the kegs were tapped.

I was mean to them. In front of a bunch of people I was mean to them, and Liz pointed it out later, saying that I "had hurt that guy's little feelings". They thought they were invited. I just thought they were a bunch of drunks that showed up for the free beer, but instead they were a bunch of drunks who thought they had been invited out for free beer.

So now I feel bad about it. All last night I felt bad about it.

Someone in this town fuckin hates Michael.

I went on a family picnic with my mom (the kids call her grandma), my kids, Erica and her new baby, and her baby's daddy's 5 year old kid: M. At some point M. had to go to the bathroom, P. O. O. P. he said, and I got volunteered to take him. So we went to the disgusting public bathroom that was there at the park.

The boy, age 5, didn't want me to come in with him, he just wanted me to wait outside.
So I waited and waited and waited and waited. Across the park I could see all my people staring over wandering what was taking so long. Finally I peeked in and the poor boy was stark naked perched up on the toilet like a bird. Or a monkey. His feet were positioned on top of the toilet seat and he was just sort of crouching there, and singing a little song with his shorts just thrown on the floor a few yards away. When I opened the door he looked over and said, "shut the door!!!".

Later I told them all what I had seen thinking it was just some sort of child craziness. But Erica informed us all that he stands on the toilet like that because thats how his daddy does it.

We were all shocked. A grown man perching on top of the toliet every day??? Why??? How??? Doesn't it leave footprints on the toilet seat? What about the threat of serious testicular injury???

Turns out not only does he do it, but the child's mother does it too, and I guess a bunch of hippies do. Erica said her midwife informed her it was better for the bowels, but she didn't do it personally- of course, she has been pregnant all this time and probably not agile enough to do it.

At home later that night, I tried to get in the position. I was dressed, I just wanted to try a "dry" run, you know, to see if I could. I'm sure it would break the toilet seat. Maybe if you lift the seat and just try staning on the rim of the toilet bowl itself. Only that seems extra dangerous because it would probably be slippery.

David O Wrote:

extreme dorkification. I want to know what set of internal rules you are following for this series. How big is it? Why those particular colors?

Chris Wrote:
I've made this limited palette, which is based on this kind of pink, if fact it's windsor newtons flesh color right out of the tube. There's the pink and then a bunch of yellows. Why??? I have no idea. I just thought it was a break from my regular palette and it's muted nicely.... it's about 12x24inches

I'm only breaking rules with this.

Chris Wrote:

I'm going to a coffee shop.

I told Grandma I was a goat farmer now, and that I had a small herd (30 head) of goats. I said they are pains in the ass, but I do enjoy working outside. Today a couple of the little bastards got out of the pasture because of a broken part of the fence, which I have to repair, and they wandered into the neighbors property. The woman who lives there gets really pissed because the goats eat her flowers.

She asked, "do you have to look for them on horseback?"
I said, "no, I can just walk or ride the four-wheeler."
"what's a four wheeler?"
"it's like a four-wheeled motorcycle, or kind of like an all terrain golf cart. It has big round tires with knobbies all over them so they can drive over mud and rocks and cactus and rattlesnakes and anything else. I have one on the farm instead of a horse."
She said, " I love horseback riding."
I said, "I do have a donkey. Would you like to come ride that and see the goats?"
She laughed and said she can't ride a donkey, but she would love to come see the goats.

Dani Wrote:

if you want me to join you at a coffee shop you need to say so now & give me a coupla' hours to get there.

Chris Wrote:

We lost one goat, but two sheep got born. The lost goat wandered off and got eaten by a cougar or a mountain lion or a bobcat or swooped up by a bird of prey. The babies are all wet and wobbly though, and doing well. They have a shed now to get in out of the rain.

I should have my new cell in a day or two. You can't reach me right now so you have to wait until a day or two from now. So don't bother right now.

Dani Wrote:

perhaps a suggetion - you could actually set a time for us to get together to have coffee. if you offend me, i'll be sure to realize that it's my cue to leave.
no problem. i will be on the lookout for it, i might even ask you once you offend me if that's what you intended just to be sure.

Chris Wrote:

From the personal goat farming journal:

Since I have lost 2 sheep already, maybe cows are the better way to go. With the two new lambs, I'm still sitting on the status quo, and with another about ready to lamb, I'll be 2 ahead of the starting point. So what to do. I will have a field full of hay, but will probably have to fertilize again to get a good cutting since the wire grass is so plentiful and will be so in the first cutting.

Chris Wrote:
From the personal goat farming journal:

I have another dastardly fence line to clear after all the hard work that I just finished putting in. It seems that the diesel didn't do as I suspected it to do and the fence line down at the creek is being inundated again with lush growth. I will try the weed eater first, but if some of the growth is hiding briars, they will cut the string to pieces in a short short, so if that happens, I'll have to get the All-Terrain and go down there and get to work. One talks about woman's work is never done....whoopee. Well it will keep me off the couch.

Chris Wrote:

From the personal goat farming journal:

The sheep are back in the meadow and are spending the nights in the pen where they have the benefit of the shed in case of rain, which we have had for the 2 nights they have been in there. I don't know about the grown ones, but the 2 wee ones are frisky in the mornings when I let them out, so I'm saying that they enjoy the warmth and the dryness of the shed. It looks as if they may have company in the near future cause one of the other ewe is mighty big and unless I miss my guess, she will be a mother of twins also.

Skeeter ran into Schmardin and another neighbor up in the back yesterday, and he already knew about the cows and I guess the sheep also. He told tales of coyote and mountain lion's in the near vicinity and also the presence of wild hogs. Skeeter saw some of the ground that was churned up by their rooting. Hope they stay yonder.

Dani Wrote:

if you want me to join you at a coffee shop you need to say so now & give me a coupla' hours to get there.

Dani Wrote:

uh oh, this may be becoming a full blow "episode".

I found an old journal entry from about five years ago that relates to the Schliefke interview I just did:

To cure it I began a project of 15-day paintings and decided to include writing as part of it. The idea is to paint for a short amount of time each day, at the same time, for approximately the same amount of time each day and then write about it. And photograph the work as it progresses. Each painting session should be completely stream of conscienceness off the top of my head, freeform, with little or no regard for the painting of the previous days, just covering right over them. Then at the end of the 15 days look back over the photos and read through the daily logs to see if there is any conection. Try to discover if there is any consistency, any meaning, any method, …etc.

It only worked slightly. It became almost impossible to ignore and cover up the work I had done before. Images or shapes would start to appear that I would find aestetically pleasing, and I would be unable to resist painting around them or incorporating them int o the work and preserving them.

The photos turned out poorly and would get out of order, or would end up on different rolls of film and I would only have half of them or whatever.

But the writing worked. It turned out that the project worked worked so well in the writing that I didn’t even need the painting really. The ‘rules’ I set up for myself kept getting broken anyway, so I would write about that and then it became clear that they must be bad rules. So they would change.

Chris Wrote: That is the scarriest picture I have ever seen.

Why do you not have even the slightest shame of nudity like everyone else? Children walk around naked proudly, but good parents explain to them that that is unnatural and they should hide their bodies, just like they should hide thier feelings. Somehow you missed that part of growing up. It probably isn't your fault, your mother should have taught you.

Pregnant people often get caught up in the feeling that child birth and pregnancy and nursing are all beautiful miracles and that everyone wants to hear about it, but that's not true. Others are uneasy if not outright grossed out by it.

I think I will send a copy of that to Kelly. Remember, I am the NICE cousin. Just imagine what he would say.

Erica Wrote: i love to be naked.
my children will love to be naked.
you have been naked before. you have 2 kids.
what did you tell honey?
do you want to come to the birth?
much love
e

Chris Wrote: The child, the ten year old child, asked her mom yesturday, while we were eating, "Mom, when did you first get your period?"

I gasped, spit coffee all over the table, and jumped up knocking over my chair. I yelled, " HOLY SHIT!!!! That is not something we talk about ever! Things like that will happen to you soon enough because you had the misfortune of being born a girl and God hates girls, but it is something to be ashamed of and keep secret inside yourself. Like feelings. We never never never talk about our bodies"

I told her if she wanted to get all touchy feely and talk about her body, she should just call Erica.

Liz told me that it was probably on account of my having been raised by semi-rednecks that I was the way I am today.

Chris Wrote: Do I want to come to the birth? Well let me see.... will there be snacks?

Ran into Darren M.

Darren M. has a kid my kids age and he goes to coffee every Sat. morning with said kid, as do I.
I learned he also lives on my same street, just down a block or two so I never noticed him.

So we were talking and he complained about how they re-paved our street. He said he likes to walk around bare foot and the new gravel on the street is too sharp. I just said, "well... uh.. you know... okay.... right... I guess so... you're right..." I didn't really have an opinion on it.

A few days later I forgot something in my truck late at night and I had to go get it. It was probably a book. Or maybe a cd, I don't know, but something. So I just ran out there with no shoes, and sure enough, that gravel was -no shit- sharp as razors. It was like walking on broken glass.